Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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