you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
