At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
