you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
