I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
