You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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