I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
