Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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