dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
