Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
