Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
