so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
