I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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