They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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