What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
nutella sex= disaster
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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