I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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