Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
