Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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