Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
