If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
