I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
