All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
