the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
