I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I intend to get homeless drunk
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
