Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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