WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drunk is not a location!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
