Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
