I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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