I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
