Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
