I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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