Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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