we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
