sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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