My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
