why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
