I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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