I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
