You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
