I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
