You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
