bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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