Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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