My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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