arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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