I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
