afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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