More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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