i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
