I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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