I will die if light touches me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
