Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
