Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I cockslap morals
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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